Fred L. Smith, Jr.
President and Founder, Competitive Enterprise Institute

Dear Mr. Smith,

Although I like your new ads touting the many benefits of a carbon dioxide rich atmosphere, they lack the friendliness of earlier industry advertisements many of us boomers recall so fondly. I'll never forget the joy I felt as a child whenever Utah Power and Light's Redd E. Kilowatt made an appearance on Kennecott Copper Theater or the many happy television moments I shared with "Our Friend the Atom."

That's why I've created Smokey, the Fossil Fuels Mascot for your use. He'll ad that element of friendliness that is so lacking in your current ads.

I'm also enclosing a couple of print ads I created especially for you. Both ads incorporate Smokey along with variations on your tag line, "They call it pollution. We Call it life." Feel free to use them without compensating me. Your gift of carbon dioxide is all the thanks I need.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot





Note to readers: Please join us at Draft Gore 2008. Al Gore must be stopped. He doesn't appreciate the benefits of a carbon dioxide rich atmosphere. I'm hoping that once he is confronted with the prospect of being drafted, he'll do the right thing--he'll do what Our Leader, Our Deputy Leader, and their patriotic sycophants in Congress did when they faced the draft: get a bunch of deferments or join the National Guard and then go AWOL.